So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
