Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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