I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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