If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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