If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize