Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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