So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
