dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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