Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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