Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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