Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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