i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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