I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
