just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
