cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
