can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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