i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
