Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
