I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
