My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
