that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
