My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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