Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
