does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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