I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
