i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
