so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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