I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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