so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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