I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
