I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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