He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
