I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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