Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
