I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
