My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
