It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
