It's Friday. Sex?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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