if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
