he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
