non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize