I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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