and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
