My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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