I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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