I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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