bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize