Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
