You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
