yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
