i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize