i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
