I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
