We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
