I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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