I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
