We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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