my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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