you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
