I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
