Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
