that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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