is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
