I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
pray to the hookup gods
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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