Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize