that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
