How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
