that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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