So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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