There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
