i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
