Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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