Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
