hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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