I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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