You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize